The Blind Bandit's
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WANTED
DEAD OR JUST VERY CONFUSED
THE BLIND BANDITSS
A.K.A. The Swing-First-Ask-Questions-Later Gang
Crimes Include ?
Armed robbery (mostly of themselves)
Disturbing the peace (and sometimes gravity)
Repeated a*saults on innocent trees and furniture
Accidentally freeing prisoners during jail raids
Stealing gold‚ then asking someone if it feels shiny
LAST SCENE ?
Stampeding through a farmers market in Dustbucket Gulch. Witnesses recall a flurry of swinging clubs‚ dropped turnips‚ and someone yelling‚ WHERES THE HORSE?! (They were sitting on it.)
LEADER ? GLOBE THE ECHO KING
Blind as a bat with a vendetta
Wears mirrored sungla*ses at night for tactical reasons
Has a seeing-eye vulture named Judith (very unhelpful)
Once declared war on a pile of laundry‚ mistaking it for a rival gang
Shouts "I heard that!" whether someone says something or not
OTHER KNOWN MEMBERS ?
SHELLY The Screecher Uses echolocation by yelling HELLO?! every five seconds. Scary when she's quiet‚ worse when she's not.
PUFF The Trip Hazard Specializes in laying traps and immediately falling into them. Known to get tangled in his own shoelaces mid-heist.
NYCOLAS Silent But Violent Doesnt talk much‚ mostly grunts and swings. Often knocks himself out with his own weapon.
BOBBY Always Left Only swings to the left. Even his hat tilts left. Youre safe if you stand to his right.
NX The Prophet of Stumps Cla*sic blind mystic. Carries a staff he cant use‚ mutters cryptic wisdom like The wind knows the way‚ and walks straight into trees. Wears a blindfold despite already being blind. May or may not believe he's in a prophecy.
APPROACH WITH CAUTION.
Or better yet‚ toss a coin and run. Fast.
If seen‚ contact Sheriff Harlan One-Eye McGee at the newly re-rebuilt town jail. Do NOT mention the goat incident.
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Listed on January 22, 2026
| Last updated January 22, 2026